I need to stop watching freaking cute movies with happy endings. especially the chick flicks. All they make me want to do is cry. I am an emotional wreck. run me over with your car next time please and I might just look better.
and so, I write....
Maybe i see the world through stilted eyes where your cognitive imaginings are equivalent to mine, and dreams are real, even if in some other world that I will never be able to reach. I know the possibilities aren't endless as much as i'd like them to be and i survived without them for this long, so why do i need them now? walk away, just walk away, keep your eyes closed and it won't hurt so much, pull yourself up off the floor and don't let the rain fall from your eyes. I can't stop. you think the pain goes away with time, but it only hides and when you least expect it, when you think its finally ebbed away, it strikes and throws you back years, flooding you with memories strong and unfocused. pull yourself back to the now, this moment, and realize its not the same. the now and the memories don't match. you feel the same but what you see is different, older, uglier, meaner. I don't want this. Do I? NO. I want shiny, happy, comfortable, a trust unbreakable. I'm looking for the faith with this love, and its not found me yet. you leave me hoping for the best...in someone else.
Breathe...just Breathe....
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